October 4, 2013

8 Things I’ve Learned From “Dexter”

For years I have been watching Showtime’s TV drama Dexter. I’m not too ashamed to admit that a show about a murderous psychopathic lunatic has been one of the highlights of my entertainment life, and that I thoroughly enjoy American television’s depictions of blood and gore. And while Dexter has been about violence and murder, it’s also been an excellent showcase of deep and complex characters and story-lines. Each individual has their own crazy personality and twisted life-story that fans can really get into. Unfortunately, Dexter has now ended, and while I feel I’m the only one on the planet that actually enjoyed the finale, why don’t you all do a quick #Dexter search on Twitter to view how much hate it received. (Really!)

But I don’t want to talk about the hateful things in Dexter today; I want to talk about all the cheesy things that crack me up. All those “give me a break” moments that, in a way, gave this TV show it’s charm. And now that Dexter has ended, I’d like to pay homage to it in my own special way by giving you all a list of life-lessons I’ve learned from our favorite serial killer:


1) Breaking into homes is kind of easy.

For years this dude’s been showing up criminals across the globe with his serious bobby-pin skills. He might as well have just turned the doorknob and walked in! No struggle there…

Larry D. Moore [CC-BY-SA-3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons

2) When you’re stuck just talk to your dead relatives.

There have been numerous times in which Dexter has been stuck in some twisted plot line where he’s either going to be caught by the police or killed by his enemy. Really, if these situations were in real-life he’d be found in a heartbeat and thrown in jail for life. So what happens then? Good ol’ daddy shoots down from the afterlife to give him some highly unrealistic (and repetitive) advice. Then it’s all better!

Image via dexterthings.tumblr.com

3) Plastic must be cheap.

Throughout these past 8 years we have seen Dexter commit 134 murders. And at least 100 of these have been in a room completely encased in plastic. Where does he store this stuff? I honestly don’t know how Dex affords that incredible ocean-view apartment.

Image by Showtime

4) How to speak spanish.

Hola señor! Would it be an exaggeration to say that every 3rd line seemed to be in Spanish? Happy to say I’m pretty much bilingual now.

Ohh…so that’s what they said! http://i.imgur.com/Gf45N.jpg

5) Never move to Miami.

Apparently its loaded with murderers! Enough that they could create a 8-year running television show about it at least…

Image by Tripadvisor


6) It’s easy to steal someone’s body from a hospital.

[FINALE SPOILER] Did anyone else crack up, or rub their eyes in disbelief, when Dexter rolled his sister’s dead body out the front door on a stretcher, and then hauled her up on to his boat to take her out to sea and fling her into the ocean? What, no cameras? No security? Are Miami nurses this incompetent? It would have been more realistic to inject some tranquillizer into someone and then sneak past. Why didn’t they hire me to write the script?!

Image by Showtime

7) Dead-end sub-plots make many people angry.

[FINALE SPOILER] I must admit, I wasn’t the least bit upset that we didn’t find out what happened to Masuka and the unexpected appearance of his hot biological daughter that doesn’t look the least bit like she would be his daughter… but everyone else was. Gee, people really like dem pointless sub-plots!

Image by Showtime

8) In a series finale, anything can happen.

[FINALE SPOILER] Dexter grows out his beard, puts on his red plaid, and becomes a recluse lumberjack somewhere in what I assume are the cold, dense forests of Canada. I needn’t say more!

Image by Showtime



Featured Image by Showtime

About the Author

Recultured Team
Recultured Team
This is where you'll find the blog posts that the team has contributed to collectively! What team? Wildcats! -Nope, wrong team. Recultured!

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