October 31, 2013

What TLC’s “Toddlers and Tiaras” has taught me

Yes, I watch Toddlers and Tiaras. Do I enjoy watching this show? Well, isn’t that the million dollar question! First off, I am embarrassed that I have even sat down, turned on the television, and watched more than a few hour-long episodes of this disturbing reality television series. However, that embarrassment has not stopped me from continuing to watch this show. Why? Well, for me, watching Toddlers and Tiaras is like watching The Hangover Part II– it’s painfully terrible on so many levels, yet for some unexplainable reason, I just cannot take my eyes off it. Be thankful if this is the first time you have heard of this reality series, and please try and accept my apology for now explaining what this show is about.

To be as brief as possible, this reality series gives a voyeuristic look into the child beauty pageant scene. Spray tanning? Check. Dresses valued at $1,000 or more? Check. Stage Moms? Double Check. Bratty youngsters? Triple check. It’s the same format every episode- Mommy wants daughter to take home that Grand Supreme so that Mommy and daughter can shove their so-very-very-important win in the faces of the other jealous pageant Moms.

So what does watching Toddlers and Tiaras do for me? Well, besides giving me advanced parenting lessons on how not to parent a child, I have also picked up a few other little lessons along the way, some of which I will share. Take what you want from them- who knows? Maybe you’ll learn something new.

“Ni-Ni” is just another name for “pacifier”.

I don’t claim to be a child-rearing expert, but isn’t four-years-old a bit too old to be sucking on a pacifier? Not that it really matters- there are far worse things that I have witnessed on this show. Also, the Ni-Ni Fairy sounds much better than the Pacifier Fairy.

Pageant kids say the darndest things.

I guess the word “spunk” can take on a drastically different meaning for a few individuals out there. Someone call Mr. Webster, his dictionary sure needs some serious editing, according to some!

…as do those pageant Moms.

Where do I begin with this clip? I really could go on forever, but there would never be enough space to encapsulate how I feel about the goings-on in this video. Instead, I will force myself to make only one comment: Thirty grand?? In one year?? If I were that mother, I would have used that money to- oh, never mind. Like I said, there would never be enough space.

Pixie Stix are the child pageant Red Bull.

I guess Pixie Stix really do give more than a coloured tongue, especially when you consume eleven of them in a relatively short amount of time. What did that mother think Pixie Stix are made of, anyway? Powdered child vitamins?

Halloween doesn’t just occur once every year.

Okay, let me try and make sense of this montage. I think I heard something about investing over $250,000 in these child beauty pageants; I also think that I saw a toddler wearing a cone bra, and another toddler thinking that an elevator was a mirror. Mixed in there was also a Carmen Miranda, and an abundance of sparkly dresses. All in all, it was two minutes and twenty-five seconds of me doing double-take after double-take. You would think that someone like me, who watches episode after episode of this show, would somehow become numb to these images after awhile, but no- I still cannot believe what I am seeing. I mean, really? A toddler wearing a cone bra? How can anyone become numb to that picture?

Okay, I think I’m finished getting this dirty little secret off my chest- no joke, I actually feel a bit lighter. But now onto more important commitments, like that term paper and those never-ending readings. Oh, who am I kidding? Where is the stupid television remote?

Featured Image belongs to www.examiner.com




About the Author

Recultured Team
Recultured Team
This is where you'll find the blog posts that the team has contributed to collectively! What team? Wildcats! -Nope, wrong team. Recultured!

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