I didn’t really know what was missing and I’ve never been really good at being sad. As of recent I’ve had to make peace with saying goodbye to one of the most loving human beings that walked into my life. Death is such a huge part of our lives and eventually there comes a point where you have to say goodbye even if you’re not ready, and it hurts putting it simply.
So here it goes:
I don’t have a comfy lap to rest my head on anymore I finally understand you were my safe and happy place. Thank you for being my safe place when the world left me confused and stressed.
I miss seeing you dressed in white you were and will be the only person who can look so put together all of the time.
I miss hearing you pray under your breath in the mornings or when you’re walking around doing your thing. I never embraced religion or the idea of god but you were the only link I had. Every headache, flu, or sleepless nights I had you prayed for me and that comforted me. Thank you for that.
I grew up, I tried to do things on my own I stopped looking for your hand and started to walk on my own. But every party, concert or late night I had you waited up for me. You could never sleep easy, you left the light on and waited for me. Thank you for always waiting up for me.
Your English was broken but that never stopped you, you gave me shit for not knowing all of the words in Punjabi but you pushed me to learn, to stay grounded, to stay connected and always know my roots. Thank you for helping me find my roots and letting me grow.
I miss your soft fingers running through my long hair taking out the tangles. When I was little I though your hands had magical powers that made everything pretty and perfect just like you.
I really wish you walked in right now, just so I can sit down drink some tea and listen to nag me one more time.
You taught me to love and to laugh life was too short to me serious all of the time. Thank you for reminding me to take a break.
With each passing year instead of treating me like an adult you always treated me like a kid when I needed it the most. I forget to sometimes but you were always there to remind me, to pick me up and give me that extra push.
I think you can tell how hard things are for me.
Waking up, working, getting through school and meeting people. I don’t like it. I don’t like that you’re not here with me physically. I don’t like that you’re just a memory now.
BUT you will always be close to me and I hope I make you proud.
I don’t mean to bum you out assuming people are actually reading this. I wrote this because I want people to know that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to feel a bit empty. I don’t have the right words and I don’t feel like any word does my feelings justice. I tried.