April 11, 2014

The Thin Line Between Mother and Girlfriend

Sigmund Freud, probably the most well-known and controversial neurologist the world knows and will ever come to know, introduced some ridiculously scandalous concepts regarding sexual desires and parents. This theory has been mocked and disputed for at least a hundred years, but I believe there exists a legitimate notion: Men wanting to marry their mothers. When you really examine this theory, there exists some truth, but I believe it brings up a more applicable question: Where is the line drawn between being a mother and being a girlfriend?

Pop quiz! The instructions are simple: Select who does what.

Does a mother of a girlfriend…

  1. Love you despite your flaws?
  2. Learn to love those flaws?
  3. Want to be as involved in your life as much as you let them?
  4. Constantly try to make you a better person?
  5. Likes to know where you are in order for her to feel more comfortable?

Despite the endless questions that could be asked, I find that these are the most pertinent.

Both mothers and girlfriends (hopefully) love you and want to see you succeed. However, at what point does a girlfriend push her limits into the mom zone? And what point is that okay?

Recently, a good friend and I were chatting about her boyfriend. I asked her what was new, and she said he was rather upset with her. Why, I asked, genuinely curious. “Well,” she began, “we were just sitting in my room when I told him that he should read more. I mean, he hasn’t picked up a book since forcefully in high school.” (He’s currently twenty-two and working.) “Why did you tell him to read more, anyway?”, I asked rather stunned. “Do you think he’s an idiot?” “That’s what he asked me!” Shocker. I mean, let’s be real. Other than pure interest, the reason we read is to become more aware and knowledgeable about the world around us. By asking somebody to read more, it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that you think they’re stupid or just plain uninteresting. Both of those things are generally things we strive not to be. Thus, I totally understand why the guy was confused and rather irritated by this comment.

Looking back, not one of my friends has ever told me to “read more” unless it was the newest Series of Unfortunate Events book that and come out, and that was with more reasoning than just to be cultured. However, my mom has told me multiple times to read more. She says it’s good for me and that everybody should indulge in literature. To me, though, if my imaginary boyfriend ever told me to read, I’d be pretty annoyed (and quite frankly, embarrassed). Who is he to tell me to read? I mean, really. However, if my imaginary father told me to pick up a book or two, I’d probably oblige. It’s definitely more his place than my boyfriend’s to tell me to read. I honestly couldn’t say why, but it would definitely be more comfortable coming from him than my significant other.

Back to the case of my friend and her boyfriend, from what I gathered, he wasn’t too thrilled with the idea that his girlfriend was telling him that – it’s somewhat controlling. Mothers, on the other hand, have the power to be just that (to a certain extent). They’re supposed to tell us what to do and we’re made to believe them. They want what’s best for us and our futures. They attempt to motivate us with often unconventional methods, but hey… For the most part, they mean well. Girlfriends, too, though, hey? But I think that in the majority of cases, they try to change and shape and mold their boyfriends into what they want, not necessarily what’s best for them. Is this maybe why the big battle between mother and girlfriend exist?

Movies and TV shows such as Monster-in-Law and Sex and the City portray mother and their sons’ girlfriends’ relationships as haywire. Seems strange, though. I mean ultimately, here we have two women trying to make the life of a man better for his sake. Are there such different ways to do that so that they can never see eye-to-eye, or it simply a battle for attention for the men in their lives? Ultimately, it is important to realize which noun you identify with, and to stick with it in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

Photo credits to New Line Cinema.

About the Author

Recultured Team
Recultured Team
This is where you'll find the blog posts that the team has contributed to collectively! What team? Wildcats! -Nope, wrong team. Recultured!

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