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October 28, 2011

First Date Advice For The Ladies

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Written by: EmmeSee
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I’m sure I’m not alone when I say I’ve spent hours getting ready for the first date in order to impress, and then end up failing. Men are very visual people. I learned it the hard way that more is not always better. On the contrary, keep the mantra “less is more” in mind for the majority of your preparation and your chances of getting a second date is 78% higher according to my scientific guesstimate.

Heels

Your date is most likely not going to evaluate you on how well you can walk in heels. Wear something comfortable so you can keep up with his pace. What is more attractive than a girl who’s down to earth?

Hair

Why spend hours curling your hair to create more volume? Nine out of ten guys prefer straight hair. What do you do if you don’t have straight hair? Well, I never claim these tips work for everyone. The best advice I can give you is just jump in the shower and let your hair air dry before your date. He honestly will not care what your hair looks like, as long as you have some on the top of your head.

Makeup

Girls place a strong emphasis on their eye makeup but the first thing most guys notice is going to be your smile. He is not going to point out that you forgot to put on lipstick. However, those bright red lips are definitely going to scare him away. He is also not going to appreciate that nude lipstick that you deem to go perfectly with your smoky eyes. What’s better than going out with someone who looks like she just made out with a chalk broad? Anything.

Put on some lipbalm and you’re good to go.

Outfit

The most important part of a girl’s preparation is doubtlessly her outfit. Most girls make the mistake of applying the “less is more” rule here instead of the points previously mentioned. She might pick  the shortest dress that also shows off the most cleavage. It may not be the worst pick… if you are hoping this date will last until the next morning and a second date is absolutely optional.

My advice is to go with something more practical and comfortable. You can’t go wrong with a nice blouse and jeans. This outfit tells him you are trying, but not too hard .

The Bill

This is probably the most confusing part of the night. I usually do not want to make the assumptions that he is prepared to pay but also do not want to hurt his man pride and reach for the bill. The smartest thing to do is politely ask your date if he would like you to pay for your share after the server is out of sight to avoid any embarrassment. No double standards here but if he wants a second date, he better be paying for the first.

Of course, you are going to be like, what about the cliche BS advice about making eye contact, being yourself and ordering that steak and pasta dish instead of the salad, and asking him questions so he can feel important?

Sure, that’s important too but you know deep down that only looks matter.

I’m positive I didn’t cover everything here so if you have good first date pointers, please leave it as a comment.



About the Author

EmmeSee
EmmeSee
Mandy is a third year Psychology student at UBC. It may not appear so in her writing, but she is strong advocate for the use of sarcasm and the consumption of bacon strips.




  • Anonymous

    I don’t necessarily agree with you that the guy should be the one paying for the first or subsequent date dinners in a heterosexual relationship (other genders apply for other forms of romantic/sexual relationships, such as homosexual or queer relationships). Although I’m sure many people still have the expectation/mindset that guys should pay for the bill on a date because it is a “social norm” and not doing so or being unable to do so would hurt the guys’ pride, it is a rather archaic and traditional mentality. I strongly believe that good relationships should strive for egalitarianism and reciprocation, meaning that, in the context of your article, both guys and girls should take turns paying the restaurant bill (and/or other expenses on the date). This practice would help alleviate pressure for the guy to pay for the girl’s expenses on each date. And if neither parties can pay for the other’s expenses, that is okay too. After all, isn’t having fun and enjoying each other’s company more important than worrying about whether your expenses will be paid for? Also, in response to your suggestion about asking your date if he’d like to pay for your bill, I think that that just puts more pressure on the guy to pay; if he says he can’t, he’ll most likely feel guilty or inadequate. I think it is better to say nothing. If he pays for your bill, you can let him if you’d like. And if the night goes well and you want to go on a second date with him, then you can pay for his bill. I think that society often puts pressure on guys to be the “financial providers” (the “men”) in relationships without realizing that girls are/can be financially independent too. Why not let the girl pay next time? Strong relationships are all about give and take. 

    Also, can you clarify what you mean by “that’s (making eye contact, asking him questions, etc.) important too but you know deep down that only looks matter?” Are you suggesting that all guys care about are a girl’s superficial qualities such as her physical appearance: hair, makeup, and outfit?

  • Anonymous

    Btw, I didn’t mean to attack you with my post. I just wanted to offer my critical/analytical perspective and provide a platform that enables readers to start questioning traditional dating norms and expectations.

  • http://twitter.com/EmmeSee Mandy Chen

    I do agree with you that it shouldn’t be the guy’s obligation to pay for everything and I do not expect that. You do provide a great point when you mentioned if the girl wants a second date, then she can pay for the meal. I’m all for equality and it’s just my personal opinion that the guy should pay for the first date. I do not mind taking turns if thing were to progress. This article is written from a girl’s point of view. As a girl, I can probably speak for a lot of us by saying that we are pretty insecure. It’s not like the guy paying for a meal will make a huge difference in how we see ourselves, it is just a tiny reassurance that the guy liked us enough to want to make that offer. This is a totally bias article and I’m sorry if I offended anyone.

    As for the “only looks matter” comment: It’s just my writing style to be very sarcastic. I also apologize that the irony didn’t come across in text.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for considering my perspective on the dating and bill paying issues, Mandy. It didn’t cross my mind that whether a guy pays or doesn’t pay for a meal would affect a girl’s self-esteem and vice versa. I think, for me, other factors (not necessarily financial-related ones) would affect my self-esteem and overall satisfaction in the relationship. I realized that I was reading your article on a macro level whereas you may have written it from a micro level (Sociology vs. Psychology). Lol. Still, I think we should always be cautious of setting double standards. Expecting the guy to pay on a date or in the relationship is a socialized norm (a rule of accepted behaviours, values, or beliefs that is normalized by society). But just because it is “accepted” does not make it right or justifiable. We need to start questioning everyday social assumptions and what we’ve been taught by social agents if we want social progression and liberalism to further advance.

      • Anonymous

        One thing I’d like to add: I understand that we all come from diverse backgrounds and may have different values and social norms that shape our biases, so it’s ok to be biased. I just wanted to share my lens on the matter and offer a different perspective. =D

  • http://twitter.com/dianachan8 Diana Chan

    hahahahaha. Awesome post! You know the guy is a keeper if he can tollerate the slob in you. Love the sarcasm.

    I’ve honestly never dressed up and I never will. You know me, I always need my sneakers, jeans and tees.  

  • Anon

    Where is the guys version!?


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