Back by “popular” demand, Dr. Wooo will try to be consistent with his relationships articles.
If you haven’t read my first Dr. Wooo article, 5 Tips for Long Distance Relationships, go read it now!
Today’s article is on the Friend Zone. (If you are comfortable with your friendship with the opposite sex, by all means stay in the Friend Zone. Otherwise read on.) Turn up the Twilight Zone theme song while reading this post. The Friend Zone was incredibly hyped up during my Middle School and High School years. I’m not sure now with the current generation of High School students, but I would argue that the fear of the Friend Zone definitely lessened as I grew older.
According to Wikipedia, (I know it’s non-academic, but this is a non-academic article bro. Besides, Wikipedia is reliable when it comes to pop culture) the term Friend Zone was popularized by “Friends” when Ross was labeled the “mayor of the Friend Zone” when he got rejected by Rachel. That’s interesting, no wonder I remember it being hyped up growing up! Apparently the characters from “Friends” derived the term from the Twilight Zone show, so my previous comment is definitely acceptable to this situation.
Anyways, let’s talk about the Friend Zone and tips to avoid and/or get out of it. I’m sure many of you have been in a Friend Zone with someone else at least one time in your life. If you are in one right now, don’t fret, the Doctor is in.
If you are a Guy
Let me guess, you are best friends with a girl that stole your heart a long time ago. Guys always tell me, “Oh, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” or “She has a boyfriend, I listen to her problems” or “We have sleep overs and pillow fights at her place, I don’t want to lose all of that sexual tension with a hail mary play.”
Just stop, stop right now!
Sure friendship is sacred and important, but if you want something more than that, you should ask for it! Man UP! Otherwise, what truly defines your friendship with that girl? It’s a fake platonic friendship and you’re doing her, but more importantly YOURSELF, a disservice to keep yourself in that friend zone. She has the same hobbies, same interests, or just gets you and you have a great chemistry together! It just makes sense to bring that to her attention and jet pack out of the Friend Zone into the AWW-YEAH Zone.
If you can’t bring yourself to be upfront and straight up, I recommend pushing that friendship further and further to the depths of hell, until it gets really really super chummy. So chummy in fact, that when you guys are doing your weekend night pillow fights, things start getting heated up. Soon clothes come off and next thing you know, she’s discussing your future relationship with you in the morning.
Dr. Wooo’s Quick Tip: How does one know if there is sexual tension between you and a girl?
How can you tell if there is so much sexual tension between you and a girl, that it might explode all over her face? Well ask yourself how often you share dirty jokes and/or playfully flirt together. If the answer is more than once today, I can guarantee that your sexual tension with her is in critical mass. No matter how much both of you might shrug it off, just having sexual jokes together is a tell-tale sign of something else going on sub-consciously, or… deliberately.
Boyfriend in the Way:
There can be many reasons why your girl best friend got a boyfriend, that wasn’t you. Number 1 reason is because you led her to believe you were only “friend” material and therefore got thrown into the Friend Zone in her mind. How does one get into a friend zone? There are many reasons:
- You gave off a weak impression
- You didn’t respond to her obvious signals
- You had a girlfriend at the time
Main point is you didn’t respond as a “Man” should early in your friendship. Instead she viewed your choices and actions as a “friend/boy” response. A girl could only give you so many hints to take advantage of. Sooner or later another guy is going to pick her up and leave you in the dust.
Enough about the past, she now has a boyfriend, but you feel so strongly attracted to her. You have two obvious choices to make. You can either wait it out, (No guarantee that they’ll break up. Believe me, I’ve been there done that) play a korean drama song in your head, and walk in the rain alone OR time to intervene.
I don’t always condone home-wrecking, but you’re reading this post aren’t you? Don’t be the Forever Alone guy, it’s time for you to be happy in love. If you’re her best friend and she likes you so much, she’ll definitely be happy too. Following Dr. Wooo’s philosophy that there is more than one soul-mate per person.
How to go on home-wrecking your best friend’s currently relationship? You have the strongest dual weapon on your side. On one hand you have trust and the other you know her better than anybody. Use those weapons in a non-douchey, patient, and subtle way, and sooner or later you’ll get her. It sounds terrible, but in practice it’s inevitable if you’re always there for her.
Don’t Want to Lose Her
I hear you. There’s always a risk when it comes to asking out a stranger, an acquaintance, and even the closest person to you. However, you either take the risk, or just move on. Simple as that. You either win big or lose big. In your short amount of time as a young adult, you’re wasting it chasing a girl half-heartedly.
If you aren’t doing anything towards any direction, you’re just beating yourself up emotionally. Some people actually enjoy the feeling they get from moral or martyr satisfaction. Stop feeding on those negative thoughts and start experiencing actual love.
If you are a Girl (Guys should still read this)
Read the Guys section, because its definitely helpful regardless of gender. In any case, as a girl you should do your best to take extra caution approaching your best friend. I can guarantee you that your guy best friend (No matter how much of a saint he thinks he is) wouldn’t blink twice if he had a shot in your pants.
Instead, continue to drop hints to him. For an example, invite him over alone to your house with your parents gone and watch a movie while snuggling. If you doing something along those lines, sooner or later he’ll pick up your signal, no matter how bad his This-Girl-Wants-Some Radar is. He’ll address his confusion and might ask you out. If he doesn’t, he’s keeping you as a back up or he truly thinks of you only as a friend. No matter what the case is, please move on. Again, read the above section.
Don’t worry too much about the outcome. Relationships come and go. Friendships are different from person to person as well. There are many successful, long lasting, platonic relationships out there too. You can debate all you want about how there can never be platonic relationships between genders, but that’s not what this post is about.
If you feel that you want to take your friendship to the next level, don’t be afraid! Take the plunge straight on or use some of the sneaky tactics above!
Until next time, Dr. Wooo Out!