March 20, 2012

King of Hearts: Getting Over your Ex



Welcome to the another piece of the King of Hearts series where I’ll be giving advice and discussing topics about attraction, dating, and relationships. Watch out for next article, coming soon!

There is no single and general reaction to a breakup because there are no identical relationships. Person A’s breakup with person B could be devastating for person A but person A’s breakup with person C may feel like just a scratch. For some people a breakup feels like losing their phones: it makes them sad but they get over it in a week. But for most people it’s apocalyptic: all hope is gone, and the worst part is they can’t get it out of their heads.  Here are the do’s and don’ts of breakup so you can finally get over your ex:


1. Stay away from vices

The instinctive thing for us to do after a breakup is to look for something that could fill the void. Unfortunately, for some people it’s vices that they find. Gambling, alcohol, drugs, and smoking are some of the things that people run to sooth their emotional torture. What some people don’t understand is that these things could potentially destroy your life once you get addicted to them. Post-breakup is a very vulnerable stage for some people. You could make a case that your breakup has damaged your life, but falling for these temptations can only ruin your life even more.

Yep, you're totally irreplaceable.


2. Don’t get drunk

You may not be an alcoholic, but getting drunk after a breakup is one of the worst things you could possibly do. One of the functions of alcohol is to make a person an emotional mess. Another function is to take away our rationality. So what you get is a drunk, irrational, and depressed person in front of more alcohol. The result is more alcohol consumption which can lead to some very stupid “decisions” like drunk dialing your ex. Stay away from alcohol until you’re more stable emotionally.

Do you really think mumbling "jhfjsjaskhf I still love you jaskfhjaksdhf" is going to convince anyone?


3. Stop stalking your ex

This is when social media becomes your enemy. Your brain knows that it’s not a good idea to stalk your ex on Facebook or Twitter, but somehow you lose control of your fingers and click on their profile. You see their new photos with possibly someone new, and all of a sudden a bajillion negative thoughts enter your head. Does that make you feel better? There is a reason why more couples are getting back together these days and it’s because of social media. The ease of access to the information of their ex’s lives is too tempting for most people. My advice: If it’s too tempting, delete them. Unfriend/unfollow them, delete all your photos together, and unfriend all their friends that you’re not really friends with. Absolutely erasing them from your life could help you get over them in the first few weeks or months.

It's acceptable because everyone ends up doing it.


4. Spend all that extra time wisely

One of the few beneficial outcomes of a breakup is you now have all the time in the world. Being in a relationship takes up so much time that some people lose time for themselves. Dates, phone calls, and hanging out can take up a significant portion of your time in one week. So now that you’re single, you have the time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to play a new musical instrument or learn a new language. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to read this one book that you never had the time to read or maybe even maintain a steady workout schedule. Using all this new-found time can help you improve your life, not to mention forget about your ex.

Using your time wisely could make you feel like you're Bradley Cooper in Limitless minus the good looks.


5. Meet new people

The best and most effective way to get over your ex is to find a replacement. No, I’m not saying you have to find yourself a rebound. If you truly valued your previous relationship then a rebound is not the answer because breakups take time to heal and rebounds are typically not people you’re really crazy about.

Getting a rebound in real life is like getting a rebound in basketball: Your stats may look nice but most of the time it's meaningless.

However, it’s always a good idea to meet new people. Meeting new people does not mean actively looking for a new partner. Just by attending social gatherings like birthdays, parties, etc. you can boost up your chances of meeting your next partner. You do not have to immediately make a move but you are certainly increasing your pool of potential partners. Take it slow and when you’re ready and the time is right, start thinking about your replacement plan.


Time is your friend

Lucky for you, time is on your side. By doing and not doing the things I listed above, time can patch up that wound eventually and you can finally move on. Once you are emotionally detached, you can take a step back and think about your next move. Sometimes the better option is to get back together with your ex after a good amount of time has passed, which I will discuss in my next post. But if you’re certain that reconciliation can lead to no good, then at least you’ve already survived the painful stage of getting over your ex.

About the Author

Ralph King
Ralph King
Ralph King is one of the two Editor-in-Chiefs of recultured.com. He is a 5th-year Communications student who is passionate about advertising and media studies. His hobbies include obsessing over the NBA and listening to Hip-Hop music. Once in a while, you'll see him strolling the streets with a DSLR.

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