March 28, 2012

King of Hearts: Getting Back with Your Ex Part 1

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Written by: Ralph King
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Welcome to the third piece of the King of Hearts series where I give advice about attraction, dating, and relationships. I hope everyone enjoyed my previous article on how to get over your ex. In this article, I will be talking about the opposite and discuss how to get back with your ex.

If only relationships were as simple as 1+1=2 where there is only one solution to the problem. As I mentioned in the last section of my previous article, sometimes it’s a better option to get back with your ex. All relationships and breakups should be dealt with on a case-to-case manner. One cannot simply generalize that it’s always a good idea to find a replacement after a breakup. There are lots of couples who have broken up, gotten back together, and lived happily ever after. Here are some of the things you should consider before reuniting with your ex:

1. How much time has gone by?

Just like how I ended my previous article, I will this start this one with a discussion of time. It is perhaps the most important aspect of breakup. I’ve encountered many couples that changed their Facebook relationship statuses to single, only to be back with their ex the next day (by the way, a piece of advice: don’t make your relationship status public). People don’t change over a day or a week. Give it some time, several months or a year, for both of you to look within yourselves and realize how you want to live your lives. The amount of time needed varies from couple to couple so it is up to both of you to discern when is the right time to reconcile.

2. Do you still have feelings for them?

It may be an obvious question, but you’d be surprised at how many people out there miss this. By feelings I am referring to only one thing: love. It may sound cheesy, but it is the main ingredient (no pun intended) to any long-term relationship. Before you are quick to call it love, ask yourself a few questions. Are you sure it is not just a longing of the flesh? Are you sure you’re not just lonely and is just in need of a partner? Are you sure it’s not just a case of “the grass is always greener on the other side”? Well, be certain about your feelings because you don’t want to turn a revisited relationship into shambles again.

3. What has changed?

If nothing has changed since your breakup, then you better not entertain the idea of reuniting with your ex. What makes you think the result would be any different this time around? To quote the genius that is Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It doesn’t matter if it’s you or them that changed in either thinking, habits, or values.  As long as there were changes that took place, and if those changes are sufficient for both of you, then you are one step closer to getting back together.

4. What have they been up to lately?

This is the part that involves a lot of accepting and swallowing. If you are still somewhat in touch with your ex, then you probably know what they have been up to since the breakup. Most of the time, they probably won’t tell you the things that could probably upset you, like going on a date or going to the club. Luckily for you, there are other ways of finding out. If you developed a friendship with their close friends, you could find out your ex’s recent activities. Facebook is another good source of information if they’re the type of people that shares everything online. If they’ve found a new partner, then there’s nothing you could do but to wish them the best. If they’ve remained single, then you have to accept the fact that they might have flirted, gone on dates, or even had sexual relations with other people. If you can swallow everything they’ve done after your breakup, then you are again one step closer to reuniting with your ex.

5. Is the feeling mutual?

So you’ve given it some time, confirmed your true feelings for them, ensured changes took place, and accepted their post-breakup activities. You also found out they were still single, which is great for you. Now the real question is, do they still want you? The only way to find out is by having a feel for how they feel. You can’t just call them one night and randomly ask, “Hey, how are you doing? By the way, do you still love me?” Pick up signs from them through their body language if you see them in person or how they talk to you on the phone. Even a smiley face on a text message says something. You don’t have to be 100% certain about how they feel about you, but the signs you pickup will definitely give you a good idea of how they feel.

How to get your ex back

Now that you’ve answered these difficult questions, it’s time to get your ex back. Watch out for Part 2 of this article which tells you how to get your ex back!


About the Author

Ralph King
Ralph King
Ralph King is one of the two Editor-in-Chiefs of recultured.com. He is a 5th-year Communications student who is passionate about advertising and media studies. His hobbies include obsessing over the NBA and listening to Hip-Hop music. Once in a while, you'll see him strolling the streets with a DSLR.

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